Words by Cassie Mendoza-Jones, photography by Hannah Blackmore
If you’ve ever suffered from comparing yourself to others, you’re not alone. It can feel so lonely and isolating, but in all honesty, it’s actually very normal—and although it’s not something you want to hold on to, you can hold onto this truth; whatever you’re feeling, someone else has felt it too.
I used to compare myself to others in my field, to such a degree that I couldn’t focus on my own work anymore. It started the year after I began my business, and kept on for a couple of years, until I almost couldn’t take it anymore. Sometimes lessons keep coming back to us until we’ve learnt them on every level, and that’s really true for comparison.
If you’re feeling a little stuck in comparison, here are four mindsets to adopt that will help you release yourself from the comparison trap, for good.
Mindset #1: “I can have it too”
One of the biggest blocks when you’re feeling trapped in comparison is this idea that because someone else has something, there’s not enough left for you.
The truth is: There’s an abundance of space for you in your industry. I’ve always believed there’s always room at the top; so there is always room for you.
What you see in someone else is possible for you to create for yourself too. The kicker is that this won’t look exactly the same for all of us, so it’s up to you to get clear on what you want, and then align your energy and thoughts in that direction.
Mindset #2: “This is directing me to where I want to go”
Similarly to Mindset #1, this mindset is important because often when we see something in someone else, we feel triggered simply because we see their path and we like it! We want to go where they’re going, or be where they already are.
The truth is: You must get clear on where you want to go, while releasing all expectations about how you’ll get there. When you see someone on a path further ahead than you, it’s a really great chance for you to take a deep breath, do some self-reflection and ensure you’re aligning yourself to where you want to be. Be patient. You’ll get there, and this isn’t a race. There’s no competition. And remember, there is space for you.
Mindset #3: “I focus on my own path”
Following on from the last point, being triggered by comparison is a calling card for you to get back on your own path.
When we feel stuck in comparison, we spend so much (way too much!) energy thinking about, obsessing over or focusing on others; on what they’re doing, how they’re doing it, and on why we don’t or can’t or won’t have it yet.
The truth is: Staying stuck in comparison is the exact opposite of taking aligned, inspired action, and of doing the work to create something for yourself. So step back from the computer, from the object of your envy and comparison, and get back to your own truth and journey.
Come back to your core, your vision, your intention. Then, get back on your own path. This is where you’re supposed to be.
Mindset #4: “I know what I want and I take action to make it happen”
Aligned action is how you move forwards. The best way I could create this for myself when I was very stuck in the throes of comparison was to simplify and pare back what I was working on, and to come back to one very lovely intention; do the best you can, with what you have, and with where you are.
This helps bring you right back into the present moment, and it’s in this moment that you can take the next step forward.
Sit with yourself and a journal and write out 10 things you can do this week to start taking action towards where you want to be, while staying present and focused in the now. Work with what you have. Be all here now. But … take action, today.
The truth is: You can easily take action towards your dreams and goals when you’re focused, present and aligned. And to be focused, present and aligned, you must give yourself permission to work with what you’ve got, and with where you are, today.
Cassie Mendoza-Jones is the author of You Are Enough (Hay House), and a kinesiologist, naturopath and speaker. She works with women who feel stuck, unworthy and disconnected to themselves. Through her writing, online courses, private sessions and social media presence she helps them increase their self-belief, elevate their thoughts and align their energy. Meet Cassie and get ready to create more freedom and harmony in your life at www.elevatevitality.com.au